i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize