I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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