Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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