Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
