In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
