There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
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If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
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I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize