Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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