i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Randomize
