nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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