Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
