mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
