The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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