There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
