I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize