Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
