girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
