I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
