I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
