Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
