Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
