i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You pole danced in your parka.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
