drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
