if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
