My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
