It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
