She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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