nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
