This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
