I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
