planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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