The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
