I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
