I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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