I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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