i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
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Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
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wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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