i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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