We got so high we made milksteak
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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