i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
