Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
