so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
