I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
