Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
