I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
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I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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