eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize