I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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