I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
