I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
