I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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