anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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