Your face is a jimmy john
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
did you just send me my own nude
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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