So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
