Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
