question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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