I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
