Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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