Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Church boner. Awkwardddd
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
