I wish I could punch you in the face.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
