Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
