When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
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I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
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they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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