It's a beautiful day for a hangover
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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