careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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