Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
