She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
