And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
