i would punch a child for taco bell
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
